This Geek's Life

An Open Letter to XBox LIVE Support (Updated)

2011-10-10T19:29:00.001-05:00

Case number: xxxxxxxxxx
Gamertag: Zhane1138
Phone number: xxx xxx xxxx

I am writing to express my concern and disappointment with my latest experience with Xbox LIVE and customer support. On Saturday, October 1st, in the middle of the afternoon, I was seated at my desk and recieved two Microsoft Point purchase confirmations via email, totalling 10,000 MS Points. This immediately alarmed me, as my XBox 360 was sitting in the other room, not powered on, and I had not made any recent purchases.

First, I powered on my 360. I suppose I was lucky that I seemed to catch the hackers in the act, responding immediately once I recieved the confirmation emails. I did not have to recover my gamertag, but I did have 10,000 more points than I should have. I immediately deleted the only current credit card information associated with the account.

My next step was to log in to XBox Live via my computer and change the password. I was forced to reset the password via email to do this, and I cannot honestly say whether this was due to the password being changed without my knowledge, or my own faulty memory. Either way, the password was quickly changed, by me.

Finally, I contacted XBox Live support. The first representive I spoke with was very helpful. I explained the situation, and also expressed my concern that, being a freelance games journalist, this was very unfortunate timing as several major releases were happening very soon, specifically Forza Motorsport 4. Extended downtime of my account would hinder my ability to do my job during the biggest gaming season of recent memory.

The representive understood my situation and explained to me that he would do his best to expedite things on my behalf. He spoke to his manager and confirmed to me that an exception could be made and that the situation should be resolved within 72 hours.

The following Monday I recieved a call from Microsoft support in regards to my account. Great, I thought, it's all done. I was dismayed to learn that the representative I spoke to had no knowledge of the 72 hour exception, and that it would take up to 25 business days to unlock my account and refund the charges. I again explained my position as a freelancer trying to make my way and pay my bills, but was told there was nothing he could do for me.

When competitors such as Steam, Apple, and Blizzard can take care of these issues within 24 hours, I’m disappointed to see that Microsoft’s timeline is 25 days or more. During this time I cannot access my saved games, the large amount of DLC and games that I have purchased, or access Netflix. I am also locked out of Windows Live, meaning that I cannot use Hotmail or any other online service that uses Windows Live ID, including the ability to log in to XBox Live Support and check the status of my case.

I called again on 10/10/11, to see if there was any chance my account would be unlocked in time for Forza Motorsport 4. I received no status update and no estimate of when my account would be returned to my control.

I’ve been a strong supporter of Microsoft and the Xbox 360 despite having a total of six repair issues including two DOA consoles right out of the box. This experience has been unfortunate, and while I’m appreciative of the offer of one month of Xbox LIVE Gold service, I struggle to believe that a company like Microsoft is comfortable leaving their customers in this position at any time, let alone during the fall release season.

At this point I would rather deal with the charges through my bank, if it would mean my account could be unlocked, but I am told that once the inquiry has begun it cannot be resolved any other way except to wait patiently while all the games I have preordered sit on my shelf, unplayed and unreviewed.

This has been a frustrating experience, especially right at the release of the fourth entry into one of the biggest exclusive franchises for the console. I’d hope that there’s a way in which customers can be better informed of the progress being made with their account issues and that customer support would be empowered to help consumers, as opposed to helplessly saying there’s nothing they can do, and that there’s no way for a consumer to contact the investigation team.

I would like my account unlocked immediately and I will be removing my credit card information from the account. Unfortunately, given the lack of information from customer support and the seemingly commonplace nature of these incidents, I feel I can no longer trust Microsoft to safeguard my credit card information, and so I will buy MS Point cards and subscription cards at retail, if I choose to remain a customer of Microsoft going forward.

Regards,
Heath B. Dasher

UPDATE

The morning after I sent this letter, I was contacted by Andrew at Microsoft, and my situation was resolved. I am grateful for their attention, but this does nothing for the others waiting a month or more during these situations.

Post-BC Housekeeping

2011-09-29T00:05:00.000-05:00

The last several posts contain work that I want to make sure I keep hold of, my best work from my short time at Bad Cartridge. I don't know what might or might not become of these articles now that I no longer have access to the site, and wanted to make sure they remain untouched somewhere on the web.

Game Review: Alice: Madness Returns

2011-09-29T00:02:00.002-05:00

[Originally published on Bad Cartridge.]

Alice: Madness Returns is the sequel to American McGee’s Alice, which was released in the year 2000. Eleven years is an awfully long wait for a sequel… was it worth it?

Eleven years ago I was a mere 19 years old. Perhaps I was less cynical then – though I don’t generally consider myself to be cynical now – but the dark, macabre take on Lewis Carroll’s classic tale really struck a chord with me. Madness Returns continues to capture my imagination, but this time the journey feels just a bit more forced.

The Alice of my youth was the Walt Disney version, where not even the tale of the walrus and the carpenter and those poor oysters was taken as more than an opportunity for a catchy musical number. The world of Madness Returns reflects a less innocent age of storytelling. Alice herself is cynical and gothy, the Cheshire Cat is emaciated and tattooed, and Wonderland is twisted into an even darker version of itself. Madness Returns takes Wonderland to places that even Tim Burton feared to tread – the last few chapters in particular take the player through some nasty twists and turns, going from what was whimsically violent and strange to downright disturbing

Aesthetically, Alice is a cut above. The world is colorful and imaginative, the character designs are inventive, and the music is outstanding. I can honestly find little to complain about in the visual or sound design of the game. The way the game plays, however, is another story.

This is as straightforward as action-platformer games come. The combat is simple and repetitive, while feeling solid and responsive. The level design is linear to a fault, with invisible walls blocking your way if you do manage to find a path the game forgot about. What little branching the levels do offer consists primarily of taking the series of floating platforms to the left, or the ones to the right, both of which will get you to the same place. They’ve also tossed in a number of minigames that are triggered at various points, and these range from an absolutely abysmal rythm game to ye olde sliding block puzzles to a papercraft-style 2D sidescrolling section which is, in fact, extremely well done. They could expand on the 2D Alice and release it as a worthwhile downloadable game.

Most of the levels follow a similar structure through the entire game. There will be platforming sections, in which you must navigate from one side of the area to the other via a number of floating ledges, air jets, bouncy mushrooms and invisible platforms. Then there will be arena combat sections, where you must defeat X number of enemies to open the gate to the next area. Then, occasionally, there will be one of the minigames – some of which can be too difficult for what they are, but the majority of them allow you the option of skipping them if you become too frustrated.

The game repeats this formula from beginning to end. Not to say that it does any of this badly; it really doesn’t. There’s just not much more to it. It is a well-crafted, linear action-platform game that, at many times, doesn’t feel nearly as imaginative as it looks.

Perhaps the best summation of Madness Returns was actually written about the original game, in Gamespot’s 73% review: “While you’ll undoubtedly enjoy the imaginative artwork, you might end up disappointed with just how straightforward the underlying game really is.” This statement holds true for the sequel, and while there’s nothing wrong with a linear action-platform game, I can’t help feeling that more could have been done this time around. Alice: Madness Returns feels like a nostalgic throwback to an earlier era of gaming, perhaps from about… eleven years ago.

Internet Hate Machine

2011-09-29T00:01:00.000-05:00

[Originally published on Bad Cartridge]

Over the years, I have seen more than a few game industry writers suffer the wrath of an audience who feels somehow wronged. The internet has the strange ability to transform disagreements over opinion into firestorms of seething rage, or a simple misunderstanding into a verbal war over ethics, morals, politics, religion, or worse – console preference. The people who write and inform us about the things we are so passionate about are human beings, and as such, are flawed. As I prepared to take on my new role here at Bad Cartridge, it occurred to me that I, too, might have a few flaws.

Rather than allow these questionable character traits to seep out slowly, when the all-but-guaranteed backlash would assuredly strike at a surprising and inconvenient time, I have decided to use this first edition of Alt-Tabbed to get it all out in the open. It’s this sort of honesty that gets me so many second dates. Here we go!

1. I play Minecraft… on Peaceful.

My friends ridicule me for this at every opportunity. Not for playing the game, but for doing so with monsters turned off. For me, Minecraft is an astoundingly flexible and addicting set of virtual Legos, and the notion of some menacing little Creeper sneaking up on me in the night and damaging the things I have worked so hard to create is both terrifying and incredibly frustrating. Also, those spiders are scary. Which brings me to…

2. I play most of my games on Normal, or Easy.

Overly difficult die-and-try-again games frustrate me. I want my challenge to come from problem solving, or investigation, or difficult choices presented to me by the story… not a dexterity test. I simply don’t approach most games looking for an extreme challenge to overcome; I want to experience something, not defeat it. I’m there for the narrative, or the exploration, or any number of other things that don’t involve rubbing blisters on my thumbs while attempting to master the exact sequence of button presses that will get me past a checkpoint on the 137th attempt. Or maybe I just need to learn to suck less.

3. I am a World of Warcraft player.

In a perfect world, this wouldn’t need to be on the list. In this hypothetical intellectual utopia, people would not come under fire for how they choose to spend their leisure time. They would not be judged by what entertains them. But this is not a perfect world, and worse than that, it’s the internet. I’ve seen more WoW hate in recent times than ever before, and I’m not sure why – it’s not as though anyone is being forced to play it. It seems that by merely mentioning World of Warcraft on a message board, you are guaranteed – within the first five posts – to be met by someone who feels the need to inform you that you have made a poor choice in your gaming habits and that if you were to play a Real Game he would own you. In the face. And steal your wallet.

To certain members of the gaming population, being a WoW player has become the virtual equivalent of having a southern accent – certain assumptions are sure to be made by those quick to judge. (And before you good old boys start with the emails, I’m allowed – I’m originally from Georgia. Maybe that should be number 3.5 on the list.) Having certainly offended both my fellow WoW players and fellow Southerners, let’s move from what I do play to what I don’t play…

4. I do not play Halo, Gears of War, Call of Duty…

Or any other console shooter. Listen, I’m not about to sit here and tell you that aiming with a thumbstick is inherently worse than aiming with a mouse… wait, yes I am. No, I’m kidding. Maybe. At any rate, I’m a PC guy first, I learned to play games with a mouse and keyboard, and aiming at your head just doesn’t work for me with a controller in my hands. (I know; suck less.)

I won’t hesitate to plug in my wired 360 controller for racing or platforming, but playing Battlefield from the couch is something I’m willing to sacrifice for the benefit of actually being able to hit anything.

5. I still want to be a Nintendo guy… but I’m not.

For the first time since I received my NES for Christmas in 1985, I do not currently own a Nintendo home console. I bought a Wii at launch, but sold it a year or so later after realizing how much dust it was gathering. Growing up, I was a Nintendo kid… I had every console, almost every single iteration of the handheld systems, and dozens of games for each. I have just as many great memories of Mario and Zelda as anybody (and more fondness for Earthbound than most folks) but at some point I realized, much to my dismay, that I’d outgrown Nintendo’s products. They’re still doing what they’ve always done, and it’s clearly working for them, but they’re making games for an audience that I’m no longer a part of. The Wii U announcement gives me no reason to believe that’s changing.

So, there it is. The list. Plenty of reasons for vast segments of the internet to hate me. If it wasn’t clear enough, I don’t actually believe any of these things are flaws – but that’s because I’m a rational human being who understands that people have different opinions, and everyone has their own preferences. When someone disagrees with you, it does not mean they are personally attacking you. If they like a game and you don’t – or vice versa – it’s not a call to arms.

As representatives of “gamer culture” – if there is such a thing – a lot of us just need to relax, take a deep breath, and remember why we’re all here in the first place: because we love games. And that should be enough.

Book Review: Ready Player One

2011-09-28T23:58:00.001-05:00

[Originally published on Bad Cartridge]

What follows is a book review.

“What!?” I can hear you saying. “What’s a book review doing on a gaming site… that’s about as appropriate as a hurricane journal.” But if you will humor me for a moment, dear reader, you’ll see why this particular book is worth a few moments of your time. You need to know about this.

Ready Player One is the first novel by Ernest Cline, creator of Fanboys - a film about obsessive Star Wars geeks. It’s no surprise, then, that this is a story of geekery on a massive scale. Also, either my automatic spellcheck isn’t working, or geekery is a word. Good to know, either way.

It’s a bit tricky to give an elevator pitch for this book, because at first glance it’s simply absurd. For instance:

“Ready Player One is the story of an 80′s obsessed treasure hunter who lives in a virtual world filled with game-themed planets and is surrounded by TIE Fighters, anime mechs, and disc jockey wizards.”

Or…

“Ever imagine Malcolm Reynolds in a lightsaber duel with Marty McFly, inside a text adventure game? Then Ready Player One is the book for you!”

All right – that one didn’t actually happen. But it easily could have in the vivid world created by Mr. Cline.

I tried to think of a simple way to explain the basic premise of the book, and what I came up with was “Second Life meets Willy Wonka.” But that really doesn’t do it justice… for one, the fictional game world in the book, called OASIS, is far more ambitious than anything Second Life ever imagined itself to be. But it’s the idea of living a second, virtual life on the internet that Ready Player One centers around. A life where the actions of your online avatar are as important – or potentially more important – than your real life.

The story centers around a grand treasure hunt, a game planned by the OASIS’s creator and implemented upon his death. When the entire world logs into your product every day, you quickly become the wealthiest man on the planet, and James Halliday – the man in question – has put his vast fortune at stake as the final prize in an epic quest to solve the riddles he left behind, scattered in the world he created.

But Halliday was, of course, a huge nerd. He filled the OASIS with more pop culture references than you can shake a tricorder at. From D&D to Star Wars, WarGames to arcade games, the world of OASIS is a nerd’s dream come true. And because much of the population is obsessed with completing Halliday’s game, and thus earning his prize, the people have become just as obsessed as Halliday.

The staples of geek culture have become more than a fun pastime for those serious about Halliday’s hunt. Those participating in the hunt study Commodore 64 games and John Hughes movies with the seriousness and dedication of archaeologists. It’s a world where a copy of Adventure or a Rush album is treated with the reverence of an important historical document… or even a religious icon.

But Ready Player One is about more than a fun mishmash of geek culture. It’s also about addiction and identity. Many of the users of Halliday’s virtual world spend more time there than in the real one, some of them becoming real-life hermits, never leaving their homes in favor of living their lives in cyberspace. When the outside world is in shambles and you have access to a place where you can be and do whatever you want, where do you spend your days? And when your life is spent in a shared simulation, what’s more important – who you really are, or who you are online?

As I write this, I consider the fact that I’m in a darkened room surrounded by monitors, and how disconnected and frustrated I feel when my connection suffers. I also consider that writing for this site is the first time I have used my real name online in many, many years. I wonder how far we really are from the dystopian society imagined in the book. But then I imagine buzzing Mechagodzilla’s head in a flying DeLorean, and I smile.

Ready Player One is available right now from your favorite bookseller. Read it. I’m telling you, this is going to be huge. I’ve heard that it’s already been optioned for a movie by Warner Bros. It’s going to be a thing.

Personally, I couldn’t be more in love with a book. I’m just waiting for Ready Player Two.

Game Review: Deus Ex: Human Revolution

2011-09-28T23:56:00.002-05:00

[Originally published on Bad Cartridge]

The original Deus Ex is one of those games. One of the games that when it’s mentioned on a message board – and it will be – you better have played it, and you better have something to say. Because if you haven’t, and you’re foolish enough to admit it, you will be yelled at, you will be scorned, and your manhood will be brought into question. Yeah, one of those games.

The first sequel, Deus Ex: Invisible War, did not live up to the monolithic reputation of the original cyberpunk masterpiece. Will Human Revolution manage to recapture the beauty of Deus Ex, or will it be shelved next to its predecessor as just another sequel that wasn’t quite good enough?

The short answer is a resounding yes, Human Revolution is a worthy successor to Deus Ex. For fans of the series, that will be all they need to hear – they’ve been waiting for another game like Deus Ex since the year 2000, and this is it.

In this installment of the series the player is cast in the role of Adam Jensen, a security officer employed by Sarif Industries, one of the world’s largest manufacturers of human augmentations, or “augs.”

Augs are envisioned as the next generation of prosthetic limbs – robotic body parts that are so advanced that they become an appealing elective option, with uninjured, healthy individuals often choosing to replace arms and legs, even eyes and components of their neural system, with cybernetic enhancements.

Run faster, jump higher, see the world differently, even think faster… augmentations make it all possible. Not everyone agrees with the idea of meddling in human evolution however, and that is the central conflict of the game: by allowing these unprecedented leaps forward in human capabilities, is Sarif Industries founder David Sarif playing God?

The driving tenet of the Deus Ex series has always been player choice, the ability to tackle any given situation in any number of ways, and Human Revolution does not disappoint in that regard. Whether you want to kick down the front door and greet your adversaries with a shotgun to the face, or sneaking in silently through an air vent and putting your foes to sleep with a carefully placed tranquilizer dart is more your style, the game accommodates either of these styles – as well as most anything in between.

My personal preference is a combination of stealth and hacking, turning security systems – which mostly consist of automated turrets and security bots – against their owners, and taking out whoever is left with a few precise headshots.

If you’ve never played a Deus Ex game, it can be quite hard to understand just how flexible the ways of accomplishing your various tasks truly are. There can be up to half a dozen or so routes into a single building, for example, allowing you to choose not only your method of attack but your direction as well. When most games allow the player only one option – or maybe a binary choice once in a while – the sheer openness of the possibilities here is staggering. It’s even possible to complete the game without killing anyone – a feat unheard of in almost any other game that puts a gun in your hand. Anyone, that is, except the bosses…

Boss battles: a phrase that can make the modern sophisticated gamer’s blood run cold. They’re here, and they’re the weakest part of the game by far. The inclusion of these arena-like kill-or-be-killed confrontations is contrary to the rest of the game’s design, and frankly it baffles me why they’re there at all.

In a game that encourages stealthy and clever play so strongly, it’s disappointing that the designers couldn’t find a better way to conclude each chapter, or at least give the player an option to find a way around the encounter. Not to mention the sheer difficulty, if you’re unprepared – after sneaking my way through every situation up to that point, I suddenly found myself locked in a room with a man with machine guns for hands, and I was equipped with only a silenced handgun and a tranquilizer rifle.

One could argue that this forces the player to find unconventional ways of dealing with a direct confrontation with a heavily armed foe, but to me it just felt like an archaic trope of game design, an out of place relic wedged unwisely into an otherwise brilliant game.

Since we’re talking about flaws, I’ll mention a few more – though there just aren’t many to be found. One is fairly long load times, which occur every time you change areas or reload your last save. And you’ll be reloading a lot, especially if you’re a stickler about sneaking by your enemies without getting caught. [Ed. Note – The PC version has received a recent patch which claims to dramatically decrease loading times. For reference, I played the game on a mid-high range PC, using a GeForce GTX 470, and with some slight graphical tweaking it ran beautifully at 1920x1080.]

The other glaring flaw is the sub-par character models. While the main character Jensen looks fine, most of the other characters you’ll meet are definitely a bit on the low-def side. They’re not terrible, but it can be distracting given how beautiful the game’s art design makes the rest of the world look.

The city locations have a decidedly Blade Runner-esque look and feel, and each interior is packed with detail, making the world feel much more alive than your typical bland corridor-filled shooter experience. Explorers will find much to love about Human Revolution, because each location is packed with hidden areas and alternate pathways which are sure to reward you with a few extra credits or ammo packs for seeking them out.

Excellent storytelling, creative art design, and unrivaled flexibility in player choice – Deus Ex: Human Revolution has all of these. It’s a wonderfully old-school experience, and comparisons to the original are of course unavoidable.

In 2000, Deus Ex was in many ways ahead of its time… but nostalgia has a way of leaving out the inconsistencies in our memories. You’re not going to catch me saying Deus Ex wasn’t a fantastic game, because it’s one of the greatest of all time… but time marches on, and a decade is a very long time in the world of gaming. There are things that simply weren’t technically possible when it was created, and while Deus Ex certainly did nothing wrong, this new installment has the benefit of ten years of design evolution pushing it forward.

So with that in mind, I’m forced to amend my earlier statement: Human Revolution is not only a worthy successor to the Deus Ex name… it’s the game I always wanted Deus Ex to be.

Once Again, Looking For Work

2011-09-28T14:45:00.000-05:00

My tenure at Bad Cartridge has ended, and while I try never to air dirty laundry in public, let me just say that the work environment left something to be desired. On to greener pastures... if I can find them. Hopefully somewhere that can actually, you know, pay me.

WoW for Noobs

2011-09-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

Zhane's Guide to World of Warcraft Classes and Class Roles (As I Have Come to Understand Them) was originally going to be a feature on its own, but I ran short of time this week and it was transformed into an Alt-Tabbed column. I rather like it, hopefully some other folks do as well. A showcase of my meager abilities with both humor and image editing.

Ready Player One

2011-09-05T19:38:00.000-05:00

My review of Ernest Cline's fantastic novel Ready Player One can be found here.

I sincerely hope there are more stories to come from the world Mr. Cline created in his debut novel. My only complaint was that there wasn't more of it.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

2011-08-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

My review.

It was interesting playing a new game for review - it's something I haven't done before. Alice was already weeks old when I was playing it, not to mention the fact that we hadn't even launched the site yet, so the pressure to get the review out in a timely manner was much less.

I did not rush through the experience, though I did play it almost exclusively for three days straight. Eventually, Bad Cartridge will be connected enough to get press copies of games so that our reviews can be prepared ahead of time, but for the moment we're stuck with providing our own retail copies. This means we can't review anything that one of us isn't willing to purchase themselves, which limits our scope quite a bit.

Ah well, one step at a time.

And here... we... go!

2011-08-22T13:11:00.000-05:00

Well, my first few articles are live. Here, for posterity's sake - and the staggeringly small possibility that someone might come here instead of Bad Cartridge - are link to the stories I've published so far this week:

Alt-Tabbed: Internet Hate Machine - in which I discuss my failings as a gamer, and why they shouldn't matter.

Why WoW? - in which World of Warcraft and why we play it are the topics of discussion.

Alice: Madness Returns - in which I review American McGee's latest trip to Wonderland.

The rest of Bad Cartridge is rolling along quite nicely as well. This week my life will be consumed by Deus Ex: Human Revolution, which I am playing for review.

More soon!

We'll Do It Live!

2011-08-20T23:30:00.002-05:00

Bad Cartridge is now officially up and running! It's been months coming and now we're ready to roll. Excited is an understatement.

Bad Cartridge

2011-08-11T14:08:00.002-05:00

So, here it is. The latest in an irregular stream of "new project" announcements that populate most of this blog. Anyone who's ever been here - and there's only a handful of people who have - has seen me go through project after project. From webcomics to indie game development, I've started and abandoned more projects than Kevin Rose has invested in startups. But this one's a bit different.

A few months ago, the gaming forum that I spent much of my time on announced that they were looking for writers and editors. They wanted to start a content side, branching out from just having community forums. I threw my hat in the ring, but knew with my lack of experience I would be a long shot.

Then, after submitting my samples - from this very blog - and editing a few sample articles, it happened. I got the email. The one that said, we'd like you to be part of the team. For me, it was validation. It meant I'm good enough. Someone with experience in the business looked at my work and said yeah, come write for me. It means I can do this - this thing I've been trying to make happen for years, this is the start of it. It's happening.

So, Bad Cartridge will be launching very soon. A small group of IGN ex-pats (somewhat ironic that I'm a former IGN freelancer myself) who made a message board, and now a site. A real site. This is my chance to do what I've struggled to do for years: legitimize myself as a writer and launch a career. At this stage, I need this to be the thing that works.

It has to be.

Waste Not...

2011-08-10T03:20:00.000-05:00

So, my friend Steve created a very slick masthead/logo image for me, and it turns out that it's not going to get used. I felt it was such a shame that no one would get to see it that I decided to put it here, and here it is:

Isn't that nice? I'm still very disappointed that I won't have the opportunity to use it. What it was going to be used for, well... more on that very soon.

But Wait, There's More

2010-09-08T14:44:00.001-05:00

While I'm mentioning new projects, allow me to introduce you to the best new webcomic anywhere. In fact, the best comic in the history of the interwebs, period. And I'm not just saying that because she'll knife me if I don't.

Kya And Friends - check it out!

I'm Gonna Make a Game!

2010-09-08T14:30:00.000-05:00

My newest project has officially launched at I'm Gonna Make a Game! I have a bad history with my projects, but this one is so large in scope that hopefully I won't be able to get away from it.

From the Vault: The Lost Art of Adventure

2009-02-05T18:59:00.006-06:00

(Note: This is a reprint of an article from my days as an unpaid freelancer for IGN. Oh, for those days to come again. Well, maybe with pay this time. Pay would be good. Keep in mind that this is several years old now, so some of the information and analysis may be outdated. Anyway, I always liked this one - hope you do too.)

When Grimzo and I decided to swap columns for a week (I'm covering gaming while he's doing a Discs From Space! special) I immediately saw an opportunity to talk about two of my favorite things: Blade Runner, and graphic adventure games.

The Lost Art of Adventure

When it comes to games, I'm an old fogey. It pains me to admit that one of my favorite genres, the graphic adventure game, is... well, maybe not dead, releases trickle out at the rate of one or two a year, but definitely on life support. I'm not talking about Mario, Tomb Raider, or Resident Evil. Perhaps "point and click adventure" will ring more bells - even the term "graphic adventure" is outdated. Let me explain.

The name graphic adventure comes from a time when there were two types of adventure gaming on home computers. Text adventures like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy were interactive novels that featured screens of text to describe your surroundings. Graphic adventures on the other hand featured, well, graphics. LucasArts produced a number of the best of this genre, with such titles as Maniac Mansion, Day of the Tentacle, The Secret of Monkey Island, Sam & Max, Full Throttle, and Grim Fandango. These games were all about story, casting the player in the role of the main character and guiding them through fantastic adventures. They were linear, they were often difficult, and the replayability was usually low, but they represent in this writer's opinion some of the best gaming available on computers to this day. Often hilarious and reliably quirky, LucasArts wasn't alone in creating the shining stars of the genre (The Space Quest and King's Quest series are not to be forgotten) but the catalog of games to come out of that studio is unrivaled.

A Changing Industry

These days, adventure games of this type come few and far between. Current releases in the genre are usually only good at best - the last great graphic adventure game was either Grim Fandango or The Longest Journey, depending on who you ask. During the time these games were at their peak, computer gaming had an entirely different demographic. Games were made largely for adult, geeky, computer enthusiasts in a day when a computer in everyone's home was still not a reality. Your mother didn't have email, the kid down the street was still playing Super Nintendo, and computer gaming was aimed at the PC hobbyists - an entirely different landscape than today's PC world. In a market where publishers must look to appeal to the 14 year old Halo player as well as the 30-something businessman, games like Day of the Tentacle fall into a niche that is considerably smaller than it used to be. And that's exactly the problem.

I won't pretend that the industry isn't about making money. Every industry is. But the wave of general-purpose programming, creating games that must appeal to the widest possible audience, has stifled creativity. Why would a studio take a chance on a game that qualifies as a work of art but probably won't appeal to a large number of people, when they can churn out yet another soulless shooter or generic strategy title? Those games make money, and the risk taking niche games don't. It's a sad truth, but I won't spend any more time lamenting the dumbing-down of an industry. Let's move on to what we're here for...

Blade Runner

In 1997, Westwood (famous for the Command & Conquer series of strategy games) released an adventure game based on the film Blade Runner. In a remarkable feat, they created something that is still rare in the industry today: a good movie game. A very good movie game, in fact - it will be remembered as one of the late highlights of the genre.

Blade Runner places you in the role of Ray McCoy, a blade runner and contemporary to Harrison Ford's character in the film. Blade Runners are detectives charged with the task of tracking down and "retiring" renegade replicants - realistic androids who have run amok. The game begins with a murder at an artificial pet store and takes you through the streets of Los Angeles in the year 2019. Many of the film's locations have been mirrored (right down to the camera angle) and even in the game's new scenes, the classic Blade Runner look and feel remain marvelously intact. Several of the film's original actors reprise voice roles in the game as well, reinforcing the seamless integration of the game into the film's setting. I remember standing on the balcony of Ray's apartment, looking down at the city, hearing the music (re-recorded from the original Vangelis soundtrack), and feeling myself a part of that world. Few games can do that, but Blade Runner succeeds spectacularly.

The graphics may have aged, but the story and gameplay are as strong as ever. As you explore the city and search for the elusive replicants, you'll be surrounded by a living, breathing world. As the plot unfolds, you come across more and more of the issues and questions raised by the film. Things get a lot more complicated than just discovering a murderer - you'll be faced with the same fundamental issues that Deckard faced - the morality of replicants and killing them, the meaning of life, and whether or not an artificial being can be alive. Pretty heavy issues for a video game.

That's where Blade Runner stood out at the time of its release. Not only was its story much more serious than the most popular adventure games of the time, but it wasn't as linear as its competition. Depending on your actions, the game could end with McCoy doing his job and remaining a Blade Runner, becoming a replicant sympathizer and aiding them, or even learning that he is a replicant himself. The reality of McCoy's situation responds to how you play the game, an advanced feature for its day.

Playability Today

Visually, you can tell this is an older game. But if you can look past the jagged edges and low resolutions, you'll find a truly breathtaking world to explore. The story stands up against any contemporary adventure, and the puzzles are well done and realistic within the context of the world. The setting and environment cannot be beat. If you love Blade Runner, adventure games, or are just looking for something different, this is definitely recommended. If you can find a copy, buy it. Plus, you just can't beat administering Voigt-Kampf tests to random citizens.

Mini-Review: Monster Trucks Nitro

2009-02-05T12:48:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite ways to waste time over the past couple of months has been playing Trials 2 Second Edition, a simple dirtbike game by the folks at RedLynx. Many hours have passed as I sped over jumps, flipped through the air, and nailed that perfect landing. So, when I saw that a new RedLynx game was available, and that it not only involved ramps and jumping but also monster trucks, I immediately grabbed it. What's not to love about monster trucks?

Monster Trucks Nitro, at its core, is the Trials 2 formula applied to big oversized trucks. Except it's not. The formula was tweaked, and in my opinion made poorer. Before, you simply had to drag your dirtbike across the finish line to advance to the next, more challenging level. Now, you must accomplish this same task within a very strict time limit. On most levels, this means that a single mistake will ensure that you do not cross the line in time, and are forced to start again.

Arbitrarily difficult games are a pet peeve of mine. Punishing the player with serious setbacks for small errors makes for an experience that, for many, simply becomes frustrating. Trials 2 was challenging in a good way – you wreck your bike. A lot. But eventually you drag yourself across that next checkpoint and continue on, the only evidence of your shame being your laughably low ranking on the online leaderboards. Monster Trucks Nitro forces you to repeat the entire track from the beginning if any errors are made, and refuses to allow you to advance until you have mastered the many nuances of each course. For some, this kind of challenge is welcomed. For others, it ends up feeling more like you're banging your head against a wall covered in rusty spikes, rather than playing a game for the purpose of entertainment.

It could be said, and probably will be, that I am simply not good enough at this game. That is probably true. I could, of course, spend my time mastering each tiny movement required to complete the courses under the time limit – in fact, I've already scraped by almost all of them. But that's the problem – scraping by. With Trials 2, I have replayed every course many times, welcoming its challenges, and knowing that if I goof, all I have to do is pick myself up and try again. In this game, however, each track successfully completed felt like a beast vanquished, something to be thankfully left behind and never returned to again.

Perhaps my expectations were simply misguided, but I come away from Monster Trucks Nitro feeling disappointed. It feels more like a bad relationship than a game - it's reasonably pretty, it offers fleeting moments of joy, but spends the majority of your time together telling you that you're just not good enough for it.

Yes, I'm Still Here.

2009-02-04T19:49:00.002-06:00

Must post more. I am aware of this. I have been writing, off and on, but nothing bloggish. Is that a word? Well, it is now. Ha, take that, English language!

I have just begun to play with twitter, and fear that in less than twelve hours I have become hopelessly addicted. Just what I needed - another distraction.

Uncomfortable Realizations

2008-10-11T21:52:00.003-05:00

I came to a startling realization today. I live in a world where, in the year 2008, a nineteen year old boy who I thought was an OK guy will say the words "Muslim nigger" aloud in a public place.

This is not about politics. This is not about voting. This is about there being people walking the planet who will say the phrase "I ain't voting for no Muslim nigger" without batting an eye or believing there is anything wrong with the statement they have just made.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm just too naive, maybe I'm an idealist, but the thought that anyone would say these words today shocks me to the core.

I thought that we, as a people, had become better than that. Had risen above it. I have been proven wrong.

Distractions

2008-09-22T12:47:00.003-05:00

My apartment is a very distracting place for someone who should be writing.

I could be playing my XBox 360. I could be playing Rock Band 2, rocking out to my downloaded tracks from The Who. I could be playing GTA4, launching my car across the city. I could be playing Castle Crashers, unlocking new deformed knights to vanquish my foes. I could be playing Pinball FX, attempting in vain to beat my friend's insane high score. I could be playing Halo 3, or Madden 09, or Assassin's Creed, or any number of unfinished games sitting in my collection.

I could be playing my PC. I could be playing World of Warcraft, which is a never-ending source of free entertainment thanks to my Friends & Family account - even though I haven't logged in to do more than goof around in months. I could be playing Spore, creating an endless stream of bizarre creatures, buildings, and vehicles. I could be playing Oblivion or Bioshock or Crysis. I could launch Steam and have access to any number of fantastic games. I could succumb to any of the annoyingly addictive casual games that have crept onto my desktop - Peggle, Bookwork Adventures, Puzzle Quest, even old standards like Zuma and Bejeweled.

I could be browsing the web, as I often find myself wasting hours doing. I could be reading Digg, or IGN, or Penny Arcade, or any number of blogs, or the message boards I frequent. I could be listening to any one of the dozens of podcasts I love, except for my favorite, because GFW Radio no longer exists.

I could be reading any one of the books I have a habit of collecting and never reading. I could be cleaning my apartment. I could be talking to the friend who I so enjoy spending time with, but who I allow to take too much of it because I enjoy it so much. I could be watching any of the hours and hours of content recorded on my DVR. I could be out walking. I could be sleeping.

When I question why I haven't been writing, when I know that the only way to become a writer is to sit down and do it, I don't have to look far for an answer. I surround myself with distractions, and allow them to pull me away from the work I should be doing. The work I want to do.

The Sunset War #15

2008-09-03T19:35:00.002-05:00

The Sunset War is on a roll, as Episode #15 is now up. This one had a pretty dark color scheme, so I changed the background from black to grey for better panel separation. And, yes, after almost a year there is finally going to be some action. I swear.

The Sunset War #14

2008-09-01T20:24:00.002-05:00

After an extremely long break, The Sunset War has returned with a new episode. I was inspired to pick this story up again over the long weekend, and what you see are the results. Comics of this type are a time-consuming method of storytelling, but I enjoy the medium as well as the story I am trying to tell. I hope someone else out there does as well.

Blue is Better

2008-08-26T11:26:00.002-05:00

People are bizarre. We all know this, of course. You can't browse the web for ten minutes without stumbling upon some example of the inherent weirdness of the human species. It is, however, slightly less common to run across such an example in the place they call the “real world,” away from the aggregator of oddities that is the internet. Today we shall refer to my example as the Toilet Paper Lady.

There I was, making my way through the local supermarket, collecting supplies. Root beer, frozen taquitos, peanut butter and jelly, mass quantities of Hot Pockets – the usual assortment of healthy and nourishing foodstuffs acquired by the single male. I passed an endcap handily providing two varieties of my chosen brand of toilet paper: the “Ultra Soft” in blue packaging, and the “Ultra Strong” in red.

While I do not feel it is appropriate to discuss my restroom habits here, it should be said that I have tried both of these products, and come to prefer the version packaged in red. That is my preference, and that is all that should be required for a choice such as this. Or so I thought.

As I lifted the chosen package, I heard it. The voice. The voice that would haunt me for days to come. The declaration it made was simple but firm.

“The blue is better.”

I looked up and saw her, she who will be forever ingrained in my mind as the Toilet Paper Lady. She was standing by the meat counter, clutching a questionable looking package of sausages. She was taller than me, and shall we say, a large woman. She had long straight hair, dark but graying, and was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants which had clearly been designed with a somewhat less large woman in mind. She had the kind of eyes one could not be sure about. The kind of eyes that makes one pause for just a moment to consider one's personal safety.

She looked at me expectantly. I clearly should have been swayed by her knowledge of the superior choice in toiletry supplies. When I gave her an unsure but polite smile and placed the chosen package into my cart despite this, a scowl formed on her face. She gave me the kind of look that says “What are you, some kind of stupid?” as I moved quickly down the aisle.

You may be thinking, what's the big deal? Some weird lady tried to tell you what kind of toilet paper to buy. So? Dear reader, I am not sure that I can express to you the sheer amount of conviction this woman possessed. She was so sure of her knowledge of the proper toilet paper selection, and when I did not accept her teachings, the look on her face was as though I had personally slapped her and all her children, or blasphemed her pagan god, or made fun of Jerry Springer. It was inconceivable that I would not listen to her, and I was clearly mentally deficient for not seeing the sense in her argument. The blue was better. Of course it was. Only monumentally stupid people would choose the red.

Being monumentally stupid, I continued my shopping expedition. I did see the Toilet Paper Lady one last time, as she shot my cart and the red packaging within it a disdainful look as we passed each other on the way to the checkout aisles.

I have found myself wondering over the past several days what other aspects of this woman's life must be like. Is everything so clear cut in this woman's world? Or perhaps she is simply a traveling sage, wandering the globe and bestowing her unshakable knowledge to those around her. Surely the world would benefit by her teachings.

My toilet paper and I continue to live in ignorant bliss.

Dragon*Con Diary

2008-08-15T10:25:00.005-05:00

This is my favorite article from my days as an unpaid freelancer for IGN's Sci-Fi Brain fansite. It's an account of a trip to the 2005 Dragon*Con. It's outdated now of course, but it's probably my best "journalistic" work to date and I wanted to make sure it survives on the web somewhere now that the site on which it was originally published no longer exists.

I just spent ten minutes in an elevator with three Stormtroopers, Darth Nihilus, a Stargate soldier, and a scantily clad anime bunny girl. And that's pretty much Dragon*Con in a nutshell.

Gaming and So Much More

Dragon*Con started in 1987 with a focus on tabletop and computer role playing games, but since then has expanded to include much, much more. It's the south's answer to the San Diego Comic Con, but according to Farscape's Virginia Hey, "Dragon*Con is crazier." As someone who's only been a handful of times, it's still amazing to watch the mix of people that come to this event. People like us (geeks, if you will) understand diversity. And at an event like this, it goes beyond race, class, or sexuality - you've got geeks and goths, tabletop gamers and video gamers, anime lovers and literature lovers, believers and skeptics, LARPers and filkers, movie buffs and death metal rockers, guys in drag and women in battle armor... I could go on, but I think you see where I'm going. And if you don't know what all those things mean, that's okay, because one of the amazing things about Dragon*Con is this insane mix of different kinds of people, meeting, getting along, getting to know each other, learning about each other, and most of all, having a blast. You can't walk down a hall without seeing people who seem like they should be polar opposites, but they're laughing and talking and everyone's having a good time. I overheard someone say something that I think is really true - Dragon*Con is where 20,000 introverts come to be extroverts. Because this is a place where people understand. This is a place where walking around in public dressed as your favorite obscure character is cool.

No Parking, Any Time

I arrived at the hotel on Friday morning and spotted my first cosplayers before even getting out of my car. You can't walk five feet without seeing someone in costume, but my enjoyment of the crazy atmosphere would have to be put on hold because, of course, the 500 space parking lot at the hotel had been filled long ago. So, half an hour and a two block walk with luggage later, I arrive for the second time. I learn that my room is on the 12th floor, which is both good and bad - it will be well above the noise of the crowd that fills the lobby until around 2 a.m. every night of the convention, but it will also require me to actually ride the elevators all the way to the 12th floor, repeatedly. But we'll get to that.

It was at this point that I first arrived at the press room to pick up my badge, and I want to take a moment to thank the wonderful press staff that make things so easy - especially for first year press like myself. All of the people working on the press staff were so relaxed and easygoing and made the entire trip a much better experience. Everyone was great, but I especially want to thank Star and Dave for going out of their way for me. Thanks guys. I met a lot of other great people from other media outlets, radio shows, and freelancers - and I'd be remiss not to mention Mr. Toivo Voll, a wonderful photographer who's convention photos you'll see throughout this article. (Note: The photos went bye-bye along with the original article.)

Don't Panic

My first stop after the official start of the convention on Friday afternoon was the dealer's room and walk of fame, where you can meet and greet your favorite sci-fi and fantasy actors, writers, and artists. Or, depending on who you approach, it's where you can be pressured to buy glossy pictures of people you kinda remember from that obscure show that was on in the early 90's. I'm talking to you, Mr. Lamas. The problem, however, with the walk of fame is that it gets very, very crowded, and transforms from the "Walk of Fame" into the "Slow Shoulder to Shoulder Shuffling Along and Standing in One Spot While Someone Takes a Picture With That Guy From Battlestar... of Fame." Now don't get me wrong, the large majority of people down there are great and more than willing to talk to you whether you're buying or not. I heard talk of moving the the walk of fame into a separate space next year, which would open up more room for dealers, more room for celebrity guests, and more room for everybody to walk. I hope it happens, because it would make life easier for everyone.

After escaping the crush of humanity, I found my way to one of the smaller panels taking place that afternoon. At conventions like this, panels generally come in two varieties: The huge, ballroom-filling extravaganzas that feel more like press conferences than anything else, and the smaller ones that take place in meeting rooms with maybe twenty people, and are much more open for genuine discussion between the audience and the guests. I tend to prefer the latter, and that's exactly what I found at "I was an X-Files Guest Star." The very memorable Michael Berryman stole the show here, talking about everything from old Hollywood and the studio system to working with Rob Zombie on The Devil's Rejects and Brandon Lee's death on the set of The Crow.

After this fascinating panel I stayed for what turned out to be a hilarious one - Dean Haglund and Chris Owens (Langley and Agent Spender from The X-Files, respectively) were set to do a Q&A session but instead surprised us all with an hour of improv comedy, acting out a full episode of The X-Files in their own distinctive "Who's Line is it Anyway?" inspired style. I won't even attempt to describe it, but suffice it to say that the tale of Agent Spender and the restaurant manager murdered by the penguin-sheep-sasquatch must have been seen to be believed.

Into the Black

One of the highlights of each day of the convention was the 4:00 p.m. Serenity panel, featuring Adam Baldwin, Ron Glass, Jewel Staite, and Morena Baccarin. Nathan Fillion, Summer Glau, and Joss Whedon had been scheduled to appear as well, but it turned out they were in Europe promoting the film.

I have to tell you what great people these are. Every day and every chance they got they were thanking us, not the other way around. These were not Hollywood stars putting up with us fans for the sake of marketing - you could see that they were genuinely proud and grateful to their fans. The look on Adam Baldwin's face when greeted by 2,500 Firefly fans singing "The Hero of Canton" as he walked into the room on Saturday is something I won't soon forget. How often at one of these events do you hear a panelist ask the floor director for more time? When the "10 minutes" sign was held up during Sunday's panel, Morena Baccarin wanted to know why they couldn't extend the panel, since the room was scheduled to be empty afterwards - and extend it they did. Here's a few memorable moments from the panels:

Hearing the words, "That ****er's on our **** list cause he didn't come here," come out of dear sweet little Kaylee's mouth, about Nathan Fillion.

The cast sharing stories about the many practical jokes they played on each other, including tying plastic zip-ties to the drive shaft of Joss's new car, and Nathan convincing Morena that he'd watched her sponge bathing scene from the pilot episode - all three takes - from a monitor in his trailer.

A question was asked to Morena Baccarin about her character Inara, discussing how Inara was so full of grace and intelligence and how Morena felt about being a role model for young women. After Miss Baccarin's eloquent answer, Ron Glass leaned up to his microphone and said, "Wait, wait, wait a minute. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you play a whore?"

At one point I was able to catch up to Adam and Ron and I asked each of them what their favorite episode of the series is, and why.

Adam Baldwin: "My favorite episode of Firefly would be 'Out of Gas' because Jayne explains what's most important to him, which is: food, and a private bunk."

Ron Glass: (laughs) "I guess people don't believe me, I never knew the names of the episodes and I still don't." (laughs) "Ahh. Oh, God. You know what, the first one. The first one, the pilot actually. I loved doing it because it was, you know, it was the beginning, it was exciting, meeting all the other cast members and so forth. And I also got to punch somebody out, so I loved that."

I said it earlier but it's worth mentioning again, and again: these people love their fans. I've never met celebrities more gracious or more appreciative to the people who enjoy their work.

20,000 Geeks... Five Elevators

There's something that anyone planning to attend Dragon*Con in the future needs to understand: It's a great show and you'll have a great time, but if you're the sort of person who gets claustrophobic in crowds... well, I'm not sure you'd survive. The elevators, in particular, make for an interesting situation.

You see, this is a convention that is hosted within hotels, as opposed to a civic or convention center. This leads to a large amount of people going up and down the elevators at all times. It's often like a game of sorts: will the arriving elevator already be full? Will the alarm that indicates there is too much weight on board go off as I step inside? Will the drunken Boba Fett crush me before I arrive at my destination? If you have a very specific sense of humor, it's all rather amusing. If it's 2:45 in the morning and the fairy gothmother announces that she requires more vodka as her tattered wings hit you in the face, it can be just a little unsettling.

Saturday brought me to the exhibitor's hall, which is a bit like the dealer's room, but with different colored carpet and more expensive merchandise. A few larger companies have booths up here, such as White Wolf, Dreamworks, and Funcom. I was able to get a brief interview with Funcom's Community Manager (and former IGN Vault staffer) Craig Morrison, which you'll be able to read in this coming Monday's edition of Space Debris.

You can buy just about anything between the exhibitor's hall and dealer's room. Comics, cards, action figures, books, DVDs (legal and otherwise), posters, t-shirts, utility kilts, costumes, gaming supplies, movie merchandise, latex facial appliances (yes, you read that right)... it's all there. If you're willing to look, you can find it - whatever it is.

The convention is so full of cool events that it's impossible to make them all - concerts ranging from mellow folk music to ear-splitting goth metal, an amazing collection of fantasy art, film screenings, educational seminars, a Dawn look-a-like contest, a Klingon beauty pageant... there's a little something for everyone. And don't forget the parade!

One of the more fun panels I attended that day was with the fine folks from Cartoon Network who produce Adult Swim. They showed us some clips from upcoming seasons of current shows, and a few sneak peaks at unaired pilots. Also of note was a MirrorMask presentation from a Jim Henson Company representative - can't wait for that one. I also attended a hilarious performance by the Atlanta Radio Theater Company (also known as "ARTC" ... say it out loud.) Those guys are great, and I regret overlooking these performances in years past.

Monster's Ball

Sunday night caps off the convention's big weekend events with a huge costume contest called the Masquerade. Awards are given in different categories highlighting some of the amazing costumes that show up each year at the convention - but it's not just a costume contest. Each entry is given a few minutes to entertain the crowd. Do it well and you get cheers, and votes - but if you start stinking up the place, you're escorted off the stage by Stormtroopers. Say what you will about cosplayers, but there's some amazing talent showcased here, from the time and attention to detail required for the costumes themselves, to the performances which range from jaw-dropping to laugh out loud funny. It's not to be missed.

Final Thoughts

As this year's Dragon*Con winds to a close, I realize two things: I can't remember having a better time at any event in recent memory, and, I won't be making any other Labor Day weekend plans for years to come. Seriously, dear readers, if you have even the slightest inclination towards making the trip in the future, I could not encourage you to do so any more strongly. It's an experience unlike any other put together by a group of wonderful, caring volunteers who want nothing more than for you to have the best time possible. Make the trip. You won't regret it.

The Official Dragon*Con Website

On the Bookshelf: The Envelope

2008-08-14T10:35:00.003-05:00

The Envelope is another repost from this blog, with a brand new final chapter added at the behest of friends who insisted there wasn't enough closure.

On the Bookshelf: The Man In Dark Glasses

2008-08-13T21:12:00.003-05:00

My inaugural post on my new fiction site is a somewhat dark little short story called The Man In Dark Glasses. I'll be honest with you here - it's not great. It's downright predictable. But, it's a complete short story, and that's a lot more than I've been able to say up to now.

I also reposted a descriptive writing exercise from this blog that I wanted to hang on to: There is a Room survived the gutting process.

Relaunch Part Deux

2008-08-13T21:02:00.003-05:00

Time to get serious.

The handful of you who have ever been to my site before will notice a lot of changes. New url, new look, and a general gutting of a whole bunch of old posts that didn't have anything to do with anything.

Along with this fresh start comes a new dedication. I want to be a writer. No, I am a writer... I just don't do it often enough.

So, here's how it's gonna work: this site will be Zhane Central, a personal blog and home of my articles and editorials, along with a collection of links to my other projects. Anything I post on any of my fiction sites will be linked from here.

(I love how I'm phrasing this all as though I actually have any readers. Oh well, gotta start somewhere.)

Ready... set... write!

Writer's Envy

2008-03-07T21:47:00.003-06:00

I wonder if there's such a thing as writer's envy. There must be, because I just finished Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman and I am intensely jealous that any person has been bestowed with that kind of storytelling ability. My own attempts feel juvenile and shallow by comparison; my rational mind knows that the comparison is inherently unfair - Gaiman has been writing creative fiction almost as long as I've been alive. Practice, practice.

I need to write more.

Ten Minutes

2007-07-12T09:16:00.000-05:00

Ten minutes. What can you write in ten minutes? You could try to write the start of yet another short story, but God knows I've got enough half-finished ones floating around my hard drive already. You could pick a writing exercise, describe a place or a person or an event. You could try a conversation, which is probably what I should be doing, because I've always considered realistic dialogue to be a weak point of my writing abilities.

You could pick something to write a review about, but I just did that and don't relish the thought of another so soon. You could write an editorial about a topic close to your heart, or try the old debate class trick of writing from a viewpoint that is opposed to your own. You could keep glancing at the clock as you type and be amazed that half your time is already gone.

You could talk about your life, but my life is mundane and uninteresting (though that fact doesn't seem to stop the majority of diary bloggers.) You could describe a memory from your childhood, something that happened to you when you were young and impressionable. You could talk about a relative, now dead and gone, and your memories of him or her. You could talk about something you wish you would someday do, like travel. The places you would want to go, the things you would want to see.

Or, you could just write and see what comes out.

Sci-Fi Brain

2007-07-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned before, I wrote for a small spin-off site developed by IGN, before the project got folded into their blogs section, effectively killing it. This is an introduction I wrote for the site, and though it's completely irrelevant now, I always liked it.

Welcome to Sci-Fi Brain, the first site in a new network from IGN. When I was asked to join the Sci-Fi Brain crew, I wondered: What makes it different? What separates this site from the hundreds of other news sites you can already find out there? Well, Sci-Fi Brain isn't a news site. We're a community, a group of people who all have one thing in common - the love of all things science fiction. That's what the site is, that's what separates us from the crowd... the people you see working hard to make this site a success aren't random staff writers and freelancers who've been assigned to a science fiction site. We're you guys, we're the fans, talking about what we want to hear. We're the ones standing in line for Star Wars, obsessing over every detail from the latest episode of Lost, and geeking out when our favorite sci-fi movie hits DVD. And this site isn't just for you - it's by you. We're a community and we want you involved. Want to see something on the site? Tell us. Have an idea for a great new feature? Share it. We're devoted to being the best sci-fi entertainment community possible, but we can't do it without you. Current or classic, if it's sci-fi and you want to hear about it, so do we.

Do you have sci-fi on the brain?

Robots in Disguise

2007-07-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am a child of the 80's. A male child of the 80's. Therefore it would have been virtually impossible for the Transformers to have escaped my juvenile attention. I had the toys, I watched the cartoon, all in all I have very fond memories of the giant robotic stewards of my youth. I am proud to say that Michael Bay's new film does my memories justice, with a few minor caveats.

The one major complaint that I have heard from many about the film is its rather blatant use of product placement. The Autobots (those are the good guys) are Chevys; an XBox and a Mountain Dew machine become robots... these complaints come across to me as somewhat irrational when we realize that the source material was essentially a half-hour toy commercial. Let's be real here: as much as I personally enjoyed the original Transformers cartoon, I have no illusions about the fact that the series was a marketing engine designed to guide me and my parents' money towards the Hasbro action figures of the same name. This is perhaps the most blatant case of kid-oriented commercialism on record – the toys actually came before the cartoon. But you know what? Looking back, I'm okay with that. Because – marketing engine or not – the Transformers were cool.

Fans of the original series will be pleased to note that Peter Cullen returns to bring the unforgettable graveled voice of Optimus Prime to a new generation of Transformers fans. I have to imagine that my enjoyment of the new Transformers experience would have been severely dampened if the leader of the Autobots had secretly become someone else behind that red, silver, and blue exterior. There are a few notable changes, most of them to the Autobots, and their rivals the Decepticons, themselves. The iconic Autobot Bumblebee now takes the form of a Chevy Camaro – still racing yellow, of course. I can't say I really blame them for the choice; the Camaro is quite a bit sexier than the classic VW Bug, which was his original form. It's changes like this that update the look of the robots themselves, while retaining the spirit of the originals.

Whenever a franchise is revived from our childhoods, we cannot help but be skeptical. When words like “modernize” and “update” are tossed around concerning the things that make up our childhood memories, the superfan in us all can't help but cringe in fear, or even anger. And when it was announced that Michael Bay was taking the helm, well... you either love Bay films, or you really, really don't. “The Michael Bay Film” is even considered a sub-genre of modern cinema by some. With movies such as The Rock, Armageddon, The Island and Pearl Harbor under his belt, Bay is perhaps the epitome of love-it-or-hate-it filmmaking. Explosions, over the top action sequences, and more explosions are his usual trademark. But here's the thing: this is a movie about giant robots fighting. That's it. And I say what more can you ask for? While there were a few moments that elicited groans from the Transformers geek inside me, all in all, Bay delivers.

The Transformers are unmistakably the stars here, but Shia LeBeouf and the appropriately named Megan Fox somehow manage not to be upstaged by their 30 foot tall mechanical co-stars. As Sam Witwicky, LeBeouf and his would-be girlfriend Fox are thrust into the middle of a war between Autobots and Decepticons when Sam's father unknowingly purchases the Autobot Bumblebee as his son's first car. From there things tailspin out of control, culminating in an all-out urban battle between Optimus Prime, the evil Megatron, their followers, and even the US military.

If this film is your introduction to the world of the Transformers, you're in for a treat. And if you're someone who, like me, grew up helping the Autobots defend the world from the Decepticons every Saturday morning, get ready for a refreshing, nostalgic return to a world where the concepts of good and bad boil down to the logo you have on your chest. And make no mistake: Transformers are still cool.

Verdict: Thumbs Up

Three Stars and a Pen in the Eye

2007-07-10T09:50:00.001-05:00

I hate writing reviews. If not for my irrational fear of large insects, I would say they are the bane of my existence. So, they are probably something I could do with a bit of practice on. Here goes nothing.